You know how you sometimes get messages from multiple and diverse places that all say the same thing? And that thing is something you know you need to pay attention to, even though you'd rather not?
I don't know about you, but I like it when people behave as I would expect, do what they are supposed to, and act according to my view of the world. Naturally, I can't say that aloud, but it's there. That longing for control, that ego-driven idea that I know what would be best. After all, it's not too much to ask for people to be kind, work hard, and understand that the world will go to hell if it does not change according to MY expectations. Perhaps you're like that, too. Maybe not.
Regardless, we all have students or colleagues (or friends, family members, children, cats) who, for whatever reason, resist our gentle and not-so-gentle nudges to behave in ways that are concordant with our expectations. But here's the thing: they may be working according to another set of expectations that has nothing to do with us.
Here are some messages that appeared to me these past couple of weeks:
1. We went to see a band, Ages and Ages, for Nels' birthday. Their music is smart and harmony driven. See the link for "Our Demons" here: http://youtu.be/Dqzc1L1H2YE
If you don't care to listen, the chorus goes like this: We're not so different/you and I/I know you've got your reasons for avoiding your demons/and I know I've got mine.
2. I listened to the Bob Edwards show on NPR while driving to RIC and heard a show about Father Greg Boyle in LA: http://www.bobedwardsradio.com/blog/2010/5/3/homeboy-industries.html
Father Greg says that it's not his job to judge gang members, but to support them in finding a more productive and healthy life in a place where there are few options.
3. And I was reading Mary Rose O'Reilley's book, The Love of Impermanent Things, and she had this quote from Philo of Alexandria: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle."
Think of a student or colleague (provide a pseudonym) whom you feel you cannot reach. Tell us about your journey in moving from judgment to compassion for this person. What in this person can you see in yourself? What struggles do you share, or what seems impossible to understand? What does it mean to consider that her/his battles are just as meaningful as yours?
On Tuesday I had the unfortunate job of throwing a student out of class for the first time. This student is often a mystery for me. Somedays he is completely on my side, he’ll participate in discussion, volunteer to read, he’ll even excitedly put his work in my hands the start of class because he wants his work graded first. Other days, however, he is rude, argumentative, disrespectful to classmates, and instrumental in distracting everyone else in attempt to avoid work. Tuesday was one of those days.
ReplyDeleteAfter several attempts to refocus him, even to the point of moving his seat, it became obvious that I had to remove him from class. I hated it frankly, it left me anxious and stressed out for the rest of the day, but to make it through the remaining half of that period he had to go. I had the help, unfortunately, of a sub in the room, as my CT was absent that day, and I saw no reason for him to leave. He’d get paid for sitting quietly in the corner, as he’d been doing the whole day, so why not? He can make an extra few bucks, and I’d get some feedback from a new perspective in the classroom, win win! Too bad for me he made the mistake of calling this student a “bad kid” during the waiting time for the behavior specialists to escort the student out of the room. The student flipped out, as anyone would, and the whole thing just become so much worse.
This kid reminds me a lot of who I was when I was his age, albeit I wasn’t as loud or as outwardly rude as him. It is pretty obvious that this student acts out (or acts well) not for malicious, or benevolent reasons, but for attention. In that sense negative attention serves to confirm his negative beliefs in himself. From what I’ve seen, and from what other teachers have told me, if he has a bad view of you, or perhaps thinks you think negatively, he’ll act out against you. When I was his age if I thought the teacher thought I couldn’t do something I would lose any motivation to do so, no use wasting energy on someone who’d already given up. When teachers outright told me I was stupid (which admittedly shouldn’t happen in a school setting) I would go out of my way to fail that class. For me it wasn’t about proving them wrong, to get motivated and pass, it was more about showing them that I didn’t care what they had to tell me at all, that they didn’t matter, and therefore their words didn’t either.
He behaves slightly different in that he actively tries to show he is better. He’ll act out, challenge you with made up facts, try to make you sound like you’re wrong. With him it seems like if someone gives him negative attention he wants to show that he’s better than them. In a lot of ways we were both trying to devalue the authority figure in one way or another, similar goals, just different methods of reaching it.
After removing the student from class I took him aside later and we had a heart to heart. I apologized for getting so outwardly angry at him, he apologized for being so disrespectful. We shook hands, and so far he’s been pretty well behaved.
I think what’s important going forward is to remember that they're not little learning sponges sitting in those chairs, they’re people who have emotions, mood swings (oh god the mood swings) and plenty of variables that will have a huge role on both. Maybe he goes through his day thinking he’s a bad kid, and acting out is just him struggling with that. The more he acts out the more he hears that, and the more it starts to sink in. That’s enough to get anyone angry. I think going forward I need to learn to tread the room a bit more. Sometimes it’s okay to notice one of my students is having a bad day, and let them relax a bit. I can’t expect them to be on every single morning.
Joey, I like how you told a specific story about events and what might be going on for this kid. Whatever he's doing has nothing to do with you, and while you can't let him hijack your class, by not taking his actions personally, you are giving him space to do what he needs to do.
DeleteIt sounds like you handled this episode really well! I love that it ends with a handshake -- a sign of respect from both parties to the other. :)
DeleteThe sub's reaction is ....interesting, and I am glad you took a different approach rather than labeling him as 'bad'. You handled yourself well.
DeleteThis is pretty tough; I think there are a number of students that I look at every day. Most of them do the work and stay on task, others are very enthusiastic, and then there are some who I feel just rather be somewhere else. They may misbehave, they may not hand in the work, and many times they just stare into space and pretend they are not even present.
ReplyDeleteOne student in particular I have had multiple instances of misbehavior. They skipped detention, they listen to music even when they are told it is not the time for headphones, and they give sarcastic or flat answers during discussions (example: What were your first impressions when you read this line? “It was okay” Why? “I dunno”).
I have pulled them aside a few times and asked how their day was, if they needed to talk to me, etc. Most of the times they say they are fine and do not elaborate further.
It took me a while, but I was able to find some information about this student. Apparently, their home life was not so great and one of the assistant principals was working with them on other behavior issues. While I did feel better that it was not just my class they disliked, I did have to rethink how I approached the student. We have worked one-on-one to complete assignments, I put them in groups where I know their peers will be both supportive and keep him on task, and, so far, his behavior is getting better. I still find it difficult to get concrete responses from them during discussions and homework, but I believe we are getting somewhere.
When I see that my students are having a bad day, more than anything I want to be there to support them. I also want to keep them on task. It breaks my heart when a student skips class or does not do the work. More than anything I want to sit with them for 10 minutes apiece and see how they are feeling and what’s on their mind. Many of them do not want to discuss with their teachers in great detail. Some of them are more than willing. In short, I just like knowing where my students are and how I can make my classroom more welcoming for those reluctant learners, fun on those cruddy days, yet challenging and rewarding as well.
Teachers are another story. Once August was finished, I was dead-set convinced that these teachers were sure that their model for teaching, the one that has worked for fifteen years, was the best way to teach and that they just did not have time or patience for the new curriculum. This new curriculum, given by College Board / spring board for the tenth and ninth grade students, was just set in this year. Teachers were very reluctant to use this new curriculum, mostly because it was imposed on them. To me, I loved the books and the curriculum they gave. All the materials were there for each student, it was challenging and structured, and I was so confused why teachers disliked this way of teaching!
It was until I was given some time to ponder and wander in my own thoughts. Like I said earlier, this curriculum was imposed: they did not get to have a say or vote on bringing this curriculum in, which was probably why they pushed back as much as they did. While I enjoyed the way this new curriculum worked, I do need to remember that, like the new curriculum, I am new too, so I did not develop a system that has worked for me for years, only for it to be replaced by a new system. It can be disorienting and I have to remember that.
it's a fine line to walk between supporting a student and having her/him take responsibility for her/his actions. It's back to the support and push thing. I think it's important to not let students get away with BSing you, but always with the frame of, "that's because I know are capable of so much more." It's up to the kid, really, to choose to learn, but it's up to us to create circumstances that make him/her want to.
DeleteThe “demons” I am struggling with, professionally (in regards to colleagues) are, not really demons, but more like reciprocal imp-ism. Let me explain. Due to the structure of the department, lessons (to an extent) and assessments are supposed to be “common” among classes. In short, I am allowed to teach the way I want (to an extent), so long as at the end, they sit for the same test, or write a similar paper. This is fine. It works rather well, even. The “problem” arises when my expectations as to what something should be like does not sync up well with what one of my colleagues view of something is. Being the student teacher, I tend to yield to their experience.
ReplyDeleteHowever, the problem really comes forward when the expectations of what something should “count as” are not uniform. Should this be counted as a formative or a summative? How many points should it be worth? 100 points, 50 points, 12 points, 3 points, something else? And then there are teachers who have, apparently, “neglected” something…. Aligning things with four other teachers is rather exhausting.
I know it is not their fault. I am probably that impish colleague to them, dragging or speeding through at one point or another, misreading something else, making a different judgment call, emphasizing a different something over the something they chose…. Like I said, reciprocal imp-ism.
Student-wise, it fluctuates. Yes, sometimes I have students who do not do what I would like them to be doing (which can range from focusing on a specific aspect of a task to just focusing on something in general). Yes, I have to call students to attention, sometimes repeatedly. No, I don’t understand what it is like to be them at that moment, but mainly because I am not them at that moment. I can try to understand. Indeed, I am constantly trying to understand. But as I cannot go into their brain and life with some weird mind-reading, Freaky Friday type incident, that is as far as someone can go.
I reminds me a bit of a line I remember from the movie 42 (the movie about Jackie Robinson). “Sympathy. It’s a Greek word. It means to suffer. ‘I sympathize with you’ means ‘I suffer with you.’” It doesn’t mean you know everything about someone. It does not mean you completely understand what it is to be someone at a given point in time. It does not even mean that it has to be obvious. Just that you recognize something in someone right then, and react to it. You almost “Feel it too.” That’s the best someone can really do. But I digress….
Sometimes I recognize something from my own schooling in my students’ actions, both of the kind I want from them, and the kind I don’t. And I do my best to understand, to sympathize. If I want the best from my students, it’s the least I can do. So, the question becomes where the line between judging and compassion is, and when it is crossed. Do you need to judge someone before you show them compassion? Are those even on the same spectrum as each other? Who knows?
Who knows.
First, "reciprocal imp-ism" woutld be a great name for a song, or perhaps an album, or maybe, in your case, a poem or book of poetry. Second, I think compassion precludes judgment, but does require discernment. It's one thing not to take things personally and to realize things are not always about us; but it's another to judge someone as bad or good when their actions may be rooted in unconscious or conscious emotions.
DeleteHello all! I love this topic, since I feel that student teaching has brought me face to face with myself. I have been thinking a lot lately about my own high school experience, as I sort through my attitudes about being in this setting every day. So, maybe the person I am trying to reach is myself. Who knows?
ReplyDeleteI can think of two people, well three, who I am trying to reach. Well, one is out of my reach, and appropriately so. The other two are well within my reach. One part of my personality is a dogged determination which will not let me fail with them. But, aha! It seems that the success I have had recently with one of them came from an idea my cooperating teacher had. I actually did not agree with it, but I went along. She understood my position completely. But she wanted an opportunity to make me good cop and her bad cop, for a change. How could I argue with that?? So, it seems I need to build bridges all around me. I am surprised that I have not done this naturally, since I have worked in so many settings in my life, and gotten along with so many types of people. Sometimes I feel that the educational world is fraught with power struggles between students and teachers, and no one truly wins in power struggles. But I have recently become aware of the real struggles for several of the people mentioned, and I am the richer for this information. There is no way I could possible understand their journey. My cooperating teacher has encouraged me to humanize myself to my students when possible, so in making myself vulnerable (in that good way!) students can reach me. What a journey!
I like that you differentiate between power struggles and real struggles, Cindy. It's amazing what happens when I give up the need to be right or in charge. Sure, I may be giving up some control, but that control is usually an illusion anyway.
Delete"My cooperating teacher has encouraged me to humanize myself to my students when possible, so in making myself vulnerable (in that good way!) students can reach me." I cannot wait to hear how you are doing this! Seems you are greatly enjoying your teaching experience Cindy!
DeleteI have a student who I am just unable to reach. The first few weeks of school he was pretty involved in community building activities and classroom conversations. As the work began to increase and shift more towards content he began to just sit silently in the classroom. He is never rude or disrespectful, he just does not participate. If you call on him he will usually go down the “I don’t know” path. The first week or so I was just letting it go and chalking it up to him just needing to maybe feel comfortable with me. However, I knew in the back of my mind it wasn’t the latter because he had no problem conversing previously when doing non-content driven activities. I decided to have a conversation with the student after class to find out why he wouldn’t participate and what we could do to change that. The student informed me that he just didn’t like to talk in class. Honestly, I was feeling discouraged and like maybe I was doing something wrong. I tried every day to engage him in conversations and to push him into participating. For the past few months he has not participated and just barely scraped by with handing his work in on time.
ReplyDeleteOn Thursday, we finally had a conversation that to me felt like a huge break through. We began working on personal narratives and college essays this week, and he informed me that he was just going to use his sister’s college essay and tweak it in certain spots to have a more male tone. I was so annoyed that he would tell me right to my face that he was going to hand in his sister’s essay to me, but even more annoyed when he asked me to read his sister’s essay and tell him what I thought. Honestly, I was seeing red. I made it clear that I would be giving him a zero on the assignment if he turned that essay into me. I decided to play it out without addressing the issue any further. Throughout the week we had several computer lab days in which I made it a point to stop and talk with him while he was typing. Finally I decided to just start asking questions because I started to think something was wrong either at home, or within himself. We spent a good ten minutes talking in a very casual laid back way in which it became clear to me that he had zero confidence in himself. I laid out two compliments for him that were simple and true—I told him he was a good writer and that he was smart. He began to open up to me about his home life and his mother’s illness and it became clear to me that he was struggling. I left feeling like I had somehow crossed into a new level of teaching and understanding. On Friday he participated in class slightly more than usual, which made me feel like I was getting somewhere as a person and as a teacher.
Wow, Amanda, nice job with patience! This kid needed someone to believe in him. I'm sure there are some big stories in there about how he ended up being a senior and feeling like that. Makes me want to give him--and you--a big hug :)
Delete" If you call on him he will usually go down the “I don’t know” path. " That's really a tough spot to be in, and we have to be super patient when teaching these students. I am glad you had time to sit and talk with your student!
DeleteI started in a new school last week, so I haven't had any issues there yet, but I want to focus on these students since I can't do anything to change the specific situations I was in at my first school. Instead, I'm going to speak generally about the biggest issue I anticipate having.
ReplyDeleteAll students at Nathan Bishop are in grade-level classes unless they are in self-contained Special Education classes. None of these classes are tracked, so there are students performing at vastly different levels all in the same room. There are students reading at a third-grade level sitting side-by-side to those testing at the 12th or 13th grade. In one of Theresa's five classes, she has support from 1-2 professionals every day to help differentiate for her students that struggle the most, due to either their IEP or ELL status, or in some cases, both.
However, in the rest of her classes, there is no support. She has several students that are reading well below grade level (3rd -- 4th grade) who have no support in any of their classes. One of her biggest concerns is being able to differentiate effectively for all of these various learners in front of her, while still challenging the students that are performing well above grade level.
I anticipate this being the greatest challenge I will have as well, especially when transitioning from Scituate, where the students are grouped based on ability. I want to be sure that I am accessible to the students who are struggling while maintaining high expectations from those who are performing on or above grade level. To assist in this process, Theresa regularly differentiates by content, process, and product, which are skills I am thrilled to be gaining from her over the coming weeks. I'm nervous about being able to "reach" all of my learners.
Wow, Jess! That is a very intriguing set-up, for sure! It really does sound like opposite ends of the spectrum. I consider it a good sign that this is also a "biggest concern" for this classroom teacher, who has many years of experience, and in that school environment specifically. The support staff last summer at the Nathan Bishop site for PASA (the job YOU told me about-thank you!) was excellent, and I hope you have great luck with them. I found them to be very supportive. Good Luck!
DeleteThat does sound difficult! I am eager to hear how this placement goes! Good luck! : )
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